Disclaimer: I assure everyone that I definitely do not lack intention or motivation(the thing that stares back at me in all its misshapen glory from the godforsaken mirror makes sure about that)!! I get up every morning…if you call groaning your way off the bed cos you are feeling more tired than you were when you went to sleep….and tell myself, rather order myself, to get onto the treadmill and kickstart the workout sessions that seem to elude me for months.
With that cleared for the benefit of the trolls who must be saying to themselves “what rubbish…she must be plain lazy “……I go on to recount my daily endeavours on the exercise front……!!!!!!!
Firstly I think the term”apne pairon pe kulhari maaarna”..(which when tranlated into english for my non-hindi-speaking friends,roughly says you’re a bloody sucker and probably your own worst enemy!!!)… was invented by me….simply cos I recently shifted my treadmill and elliptical trainer along with all the other exercise stuff I collect (so it makes me feel as if I lost 10 pounds just looking at them) onto the first floor in order to make room downstairs…….which obviously means I have to climb up 15 steps every morning….do you have the slightest idea what a chore that can be to hypothyroid patients( henceforth referred to as hypos…..as opposed to hypers)…….simply in order to get to my machines let alone actually start the workout!!!!
After this first huge obstacle taken care of, I slip on my faithful shoes ( which are so worn that they should be able to write an autobiography claiming to have helped their wearer lose at least 15 kgs but alas that story is never deemed to be written) and exercise clothes…(women… read gym bra for obvious reasons…boys…don’t read ). To continue on in this extremely professional manner of mine, I promptly switch on my desktop, check into youtube and look for an amazing playlist that has my favourite songs mixed and altered into a 132 beats per second count so I can get into the mood and find my pace …..
Hope you guys are impressed with my dedication so far!!!!
The moment the beat starts playing I find my groove immediately cos dancing is one of my most favourite thing….my friends would vouch for it while my kids would grunt in disbelief and denial…..!!!
The treadmill comes on, the speed is set and I am ready to go…. Legs working, arms pumping …Soon I realise…maybe two minutes into the workout that all this preperation took me so long that I should have visited the loo before enthusiastically jumping onto the treadmill and tied upo my hair too cos obviously hypos start exhuding flames from their body every five minutes….sooo….
I hop off, trudge down again, quick visit to the john, desperate search for a cluthcher and back up again….15 steps again.…you do realise that all this activity alone says enough exercise for the day…get back into bed already womannnn!!!! But I am going to prove to you that I really really really want to lose those extra kilos…..so I am soon back on the treadmill, music playing all this time so no more wastage of precious moments….Soon I am exhausted, my legs are protesting, my throat is dry, and my will power wavering….I look at the clock…another two minutes have passed wooowwwwww!!!!!!
But friends, don’t write me off yet…your pal is better than that!!!!.. I carry on, cursing the heat, my genes and my thyroid and adrenal glands!!!!!!..Just as my will power staggers back into form, pushing me on, allowing me to salvage my honour and self respect and march on at 6.4 km/m the treadmill suddenly gives a lurch and stops, most unceremoniously, my neck thrown back and forth like a Raggedy Ann doll and I stand there correcting my balance in disbelief and shock!!!
The power has gone….did I fail to mention I live in this little village which the atlas has conveniently forgotten as has the state and central government, and we still have issues with power and water supplies…Yes yes guys…you are in the correct century but we are still trying to catch up!!!!
Surprisingly or actually not so surprisingly, I am secretly relieved at the break while keeping up my brave façade by cursing the electrical department (as well as silently thanking them for saving me from this torture)….needless to say I could simply have hollered at someone to switch on the genset immediately without wasting a single moment or bead of sweat but I conveniently call it an act of God and tell myself exercising today was not destined for me and who am I to challenge the will of fate!!!
I am a believer in the one supreme GOD , by the way!!!
Of course the elliptical bike doesn’t need power nor my yoga mat but what the hell….when the almighty thinks I shouldn’t sweat it today, who I am to disagree!!!!!!!!
I am finally back downstairs in a jiffy, shoes off , socks off etc etc, not a pound lighter but very proud of myself for having the fortitude and (feeble)determination to try and go the Bipasha Basu way…..
May I have a round of applause from my other hypo friends please and for good measure, the others can join in too!!!!