Please Don’t Make Me Dress Up!!

 

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Yesterday I had to attend a wedding…yes, since you ask, there are weddings taking place in the middle of the monsoons…the Gods have been warned not to dare rain down on the elaborately decorated tentage or woebetide to him!!!
Yay you say??? Dressing up time?? Funtime?? Maybe!!
But as usual God has other experiences for the hypothyroidal beings bravely manoeuvring their way through their lives, clambering over obstacles, tugging their perpetually tired selves around the house with a tremulous grin on their faces!!
A wedding at night for me means a day long preparation….no I am not running off to the parlour to get a head to toe!! Or that big bouquet of garish flowers in all shades of plastic in the hairdo that makes the wearer look like a cockatoo!!!
For me the day begins with hauling myself out of bed , more tired and sleepy than when I got in the night before!!! Thereafter , all my daily chores are constantly interrupted by the mingling question troubling my medulla oblangata incessantly about which saree would I wear? ….is it ironed…groan!!!…will the blouse fit me??…..are my simpler tastes going to be smothered by those of the thousand ladies present whose oh-so-shiny sequenced numbers in the brightest of hues!!!
Too many doubts dog me all day!!!
I scrutinise my face..shit man, I really shouldn’t have picked that stupid pimple which decide to appear in my 50s rather than my teens!!! Shriek!!! Is that a pigment patch on my right cheek???? Nahinnnnnnnn!!!!!
“I am going to kill that new girl at the salon the next time I see her”!!!! … Couldn’t she bloody well see that the right left eyebrow is more arched than the right????
Oh Hell my hair has grown and the white ones are cleverly sneaking out into plain view through all the rest!! “Ridiculous” , I exclaim as I tuck them back into oblivion!!! This is no age to get white hair…😜😜..!!
I tackle all these little inconveniences during a routine day full of kitchen work, gardeners, guests etc breezing in and out at will and by evening arrives I am already exhausted!!
By the time it’s time to get draping I am dragging my feet to the bathroom and a quick shower later, I attempt to wear my blouse..thank God this is a new saree so the blouse is my post-thyroid size ..no problem there!! As I try and squeeze myself into the sleeves yanking left and yanking right and yanking up, I am sweating again. What the hell was the point of bathing I wonder!!! Miraculously the hooks also developed a mind of their own and behave anti-magnetically with my fingers as I struggle to clasp them into place!!! Breathe in, hold breath, pull and tug into position , quickly insert into eye!!! System Failure!!!! Start again!!! This goes on for a few minutes while I drop and curse until finally each hook is holding on for dear life to protect my dignity!!! I can hear each one of them sniggering at me in ridicule which makes me even madder!!
I rush out of the washroom and gasp the fresh air that hits me while I collect my wits about me!!! Why am I attending this wedding again I wonder!!!
I glare at myself in the mirror before plastering my face on, wear my heels ( the only thing that makes me feel good about myself) and begin unravelling six yards of frustration around me!!! Wrap, pleat, adjust , measure, check, tuck more, tuck less , repeat, pat down, shake out, twirl around, settle pin, holler for husband to help , stand back admire, sigh in relief!!!
I just swam the English Channel without drowning!! Hurrah for me!!!
Narcissi Rogrigues sprayed on, hair brushed out, lipstick in place I turn with a smile and say lets go!!!
Collossal task wearing sarees but oh so elegant!! Nothing like yards and yards to hide your flaws and make you feel sexy!!
I strut out confident and proud of myself but tired enough to wonder if I will make it through the evening without swooning at someone’s feet in front of the chaat stall!!!

 

participating in the @BlogChatter #HalfMarathon

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Please Don’t Make Me Dress Up!!

  1. This one had me in stiches πŸ™‚ as I could actually picture every moment of what you were going through πŸ˜‰ The humour in your writing and selection of words for expression is one of a kind!!! I always want to read, hoping your blog never ends!!! Fantastic!!! And even though you go through all this, you look hella killer in a saree ❀ Sexy definitely!!! Well done on this piece of writing too!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This literally cracked me up , hands down to your sense of humor πŸ‘πŸ‘ loved reading it

    Wrap, pleat, adjust , measure, check, tuck more, tuck less , repeat, pat down, shake out, twirl around, settle pin, holler for husband to help , stand back admire, sigh in relief!!!

    Like

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