“There is something wrong with this country “, she groaned ,as she sat in her over comfortable coach seats on her five day tour of the West of Canada!!
Agreed, God made this one of the most pristine and gorgeous countries in the world, with abundance of nature, miles and miles of untouched natural landscapes..awe inspiring snow capped mountains, lakes in all shades of blue and green possible, waterfalls that gushed and rushed, wildlife typical only of this habitat, seashores that boasted crystal clear waters and gorgeous white sands stretching endlessly. The list is exhaustive. The less said the better.
To top it all a human population so sparse that you actually wonder where the sea of people actually was. Has the whole country been exported to India? “No no, stupid, can’t you see those two people across the road” ??!! “Stop exaggerating “, she thought to herself!
“And, dearie, arnt you travelling on a road that definitely does have lanes of cars occasionally whizzing past you in mind boggling straight lines, every half hour or so”!! Exhaustingly disciplined in their driving sence, it was actually frustrating to see the car drivers not taking advantage of long empty stretches of the eight lanes road and weaving in and out of the occasional traffic and stand patiently instead , meticulously enlined to the inch behind the vehicle in front of it!! God, abnormal people!! I felt like sticking my head out of the window and yell ” Guys, you have a horn and an accelerator in your car…use it crazy people…. Honk like madmen like any self respecting driver would and zip out of your lane right into the oncoming traffic, and cut across all four lanes regardless of other cars, and just move on in life”!!
After all which crazy idiot sticks to his lane, pretends the vehicle manufacture forgot to put a horn in and allows cars to cruise past him on both sides of the road!! Where’s your pride people!!
How did that Ferrari have the audacity to overtake you..that too in his own lane!! Ferraris are to be driven at top speed , yes, but sensibilities and egos demand that they must suddenly vroom past you on the wrong side, cross onto your lane at top speed making you step hard on the brake in shock after your car shook like in an earthquake and then do the same in the next lane!! That’s how you enjoy a Ferrari guys!! It wasn’t made for disciplined driving!!
How boring! As it is no cow was sitting the middle of the road, no dog was running across in gay abandon, no two wheelers with helmet less brave riders were zipping out onto the road from nowhere and worst of all no one was making a dash for it while waving out to you to stop in all confidence …(“my speedometer read 120kph, excuse me!! ). How the f..am I supposed to make a dead stop before your strolling body while hoping not to send you 12 feet in the air , has been a thought that had crossed her mind back home zillions of times!! Here no such excitement. What does one do for the occasional thrills here??
We are so accommodating back home allowing our mothers( read gau matas) to cross the road at will, not hampering them at all.. In fact we have become so deft at swerving past them that any average driver in India can give Michael Shumacher a run for his money..just give us an F1 car and then we’ll show you!!!
On the other hand, these wierd Canadians have built bridges across the highway at frequent intervals , spending millions of dollars on creating a safe overpass for their beloved moose, bears and God Knows what else wildlife populations!! Why are you wasting money?? Just let them saunter on by across the speeding traffic like we do ..if humans in India havnt learnt how to use over bridges how come their bears have learnt to do so???!! What’s the maximum that would happen?? There will be a few traffic jams, a few lives lost and a depletion in the wildlife count. So what!! We don’t care if a few hundreds die in India so why do you behave so miserly with human life!! Let a few go!! Kanjoos!!!!
You don’t have to send a helicopter down the ravine to rescue that silly dog!! We drive past hurt and raped fellow human beings not allowing ourselves to be tempted to help or waste time in taking them to the hospital for fear of missing the first scene of our beloved Salman Khan’s latest release!! Don’t you guys have better things to do with your time and money!!
As these thoughts kept flooding her mind she was getting more and more frustrated!! “Stop looking at the road and look to the side to distract yourself “, she advised herself.
In five minutes, she was on the verge of a mental breakdown!! “Are you kidding me!!! You actually don’t throw any garbage on the roads..not even a teenaie weensie bit little scrap of toffee wrapping paper!! Where is your civic sence!! Don’t you know you are putting your sweepers out of work!! It’s annoying enough that there are dustbins all over the city untouched, not uprooted by the public and sold for scrap, without you bending down and picking up that inconspicuous dot of litter , (probably left behind by a proud Indian) to throw it in the bin yourself!! “Are you nuts!! Let it be!!”
And those planters filled with myriads of splendid blooms along the dividers .. Why havnt they been destroyed yet?? We supermen back home don’t leave iron grills let alone wooden planters that we can dismantle and use as firewood in winters!! No imagination these guys have!! It probably doesn’t even cross their minds that that are so many alternative uses for things other than beautification of your city! That should be least priority!
Her frustration was growing by leaps and bounds as they came to a halt across the road from a restaurant where they had the option of partaking of a sickeningly hygienic, healthy and wholesome lunch after washing up in ridiculously fresh and fragrant smelling public restrooms… The bacteria in my intestines must be missing their pals these few days..no paani puri made with water from the drain behind the dhaba, no smelly toilets with handles more toxic than the WC bowls themselves!! My stomach must be sterile by now, churning inside out in disgust.
Frustrated as hell , She waited to cross the wide beautifully tarmaced road, no potholes in sight, no chunks of gravel and stone anywhere lurking on the sides. The zebra crossing had a bell on the pole that allows you to indicate that you need to cross and lo and behold, the lights actually change for you and cars actually stop , drivers gesturing with an accommodating wave to cross rather than an angry flick of the wrist and a couple of expletives in Hindi gesturing and questioning your bravado at attempting to walk across that black and white design feature on the road, desperately dodging a sea of vehicles with no brakes!!
This was the last straw..she couldn’t take this sea of humanity, politeness, friendly greetings from strangers, cleanliness and propriety anymore…she was dying of indigestion and withdrawal symptoms!! She need to fly back to Familiarity…she needed the chaos and craziness… And a lot of bacteria!!
Thank God she had her flight out tomorrow!!! She slept well that night with that thought in mind along with a feeling of being at home cos without doubt , at least airports, malls and five star hotels like this one are superbly clean and good looking back home too!! Maybe better!!
Still, Maybe we should do flyovers from the airport to the hotels and then to the malls directly and back to the airport for tourists who havnt come for the earthy or spiritual experience……an overhead city like in the Jetsons bypassing the traffic, litter and chaos that is second skin for us now…
Her thoughts fizzled out on that note!!