My Pedestal has Tipped!!

  1. at least five months I have ventured to foray into the world of active exercise again!! The last time I indulged in this noble activity was in October 😱😱 . I am not proud of it considering my history of activity since school days…4-5 hrs of jogging, PT, tennis, hockey, swimming, softball, netball, name it, I HAVE DONE IT!! And that too at school and district level!!

Since then I have tried to keep a steady flow of activity throughout my life!! If nothing else, a love-hate relationship with my treadmill and elliptical trainer or those long walks on blessed Mall Road , the stretch of which ensures you keep walking for a minimum of 45mins to an hour, since you have no choice but to reach home once you have had the bravado to stride out!!…No hopping off the treadmill after 5 mins out of boredom telling yourself it’s enough for the day after a Clap on the back!!

The euphoric state .. mental as well as physical ..of being menopausal and hypothyroidism at the same time is out of the world, believe you me!! You wish you were out of this torturous world!!

Deadly combination..turns you into an almost dried out, fat and aging moody freak, who hasn’t slept in years, doesn’t fit into yesterday’s jeans, feels like she is exploding on the inside while looking exploded already on the out!! Her crankiness would put any industrial machine to shame, her mood swings make those in Disneyland child’s play!! Her hair can now be pinned back with a toothpick and her skin gives competition to the newest embossed crocodile skin handbag on the stands minus the sheen of course !!
Her toenails have crevasses and her finger nails are blue chip..Nothing to do with Silicon Valley!!
She still loves to travel but each part of her body leaves separately!Her bums are going east west while her breasts are headed south!! Her cholesterol and BP is heading north while her libido stays put..doesn’t move a muscle… fear of long untrodden, presently unfamiliar pastures I say!!!
To top it all, did I tell you the state of her memory??… Oh I forgot!!!

Well to get back to the topic of exercise, I don’t think I will garner enough sympathy if I don’t mention and use as an excuse for shirking my daily huffing and puffing schedule, the osteophytes or spurs as they have alternately been christened, on my feet!!!
Woe is’s like been beaten to the ground mercilessly and then being trodden upon on top of that!!! As if the menses-less, thyroxine-less problems weren’t enough, my body’s natural response to injury appears to be the formation of stalactites and my bloody feet!!! Can’t we have contained them to those exotic mineral abundant caves on some remote part of this planet?? No!! They had to make their appearance between my toes and in the heels for company!!
Much as the excruciating pain limits my activity and reduces me to a bumbling useless lump of lard, that’s actually the least of my dilemmas!!
The most heart wrenching , ruthless, torturous and soul-reducing phenomenon that has been the aftermath of all this is actually the pain I face when I open the doors to my pride-of-place shoe cabinet, lovingly adorned with 100 plus footwears of all shapes and styles…..stilletos that compete with Burj Khalifa and pointed toes that were the inspiration for the Concorde. Close toed, open toed, strappy and silly, sturdy and sensible, corporate and boardroom, slutty and party-type…I have them all!! All shades, all hues…I don’t match shoes to outfits..I match outfits to shoes and that’s the Gospel truth!!! My friends will vouch for that!!
The pain that grips my soul, tears out my heart, reduces me to a whimpering wailing banshee is unparalleled when I realise that I may never be able to wear half of this lineup again!!!
The bodily pain I may live with, sans the shoes, I cannot!! They are my alter ego, they define me, give me stature and confidence, put a slippery skip in my step, dance in my toes! Without them I am a shadow of what I can be!! A mere mortal destined to roam this earth on flat feet forever!! Not the towering Inferno in my mind blazing on , but the washed out post-snow melting slopes with skis on my feet!!
Now I shudder as I eye platforms or clogs or foamed flats at a shoe store instead of this sexy Lubes ..I am ashamed of myself for I am now vitally considering and trying on footwear which were once below my dignity and had no right to co-exist in the same world as me!
But I guess as some wise man once said..”What you resist, persists”!!

These Goddamn spurs..cut them out of me or be dead trying!!! For the life of me I can’t understand who gave them the right to invade my body and destroy my life without permission!!
Lesser women rant and rave about life and PMS…greater souls like me have to something more magnanimous to berate…TMS…i.e. thyroid, menopause, spurs!
God give me strength!



15 thoughts on “My Pedestal has Tipped!!

  1. I have LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!! What an amazing amazing blog to wake up to!!! You write exceptionally well, your pun is classic, fact mixed with humour and descriptions on point!!! I could keep reading…
    Well done πŸ‘Œ

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your strength is garbed in amazing hilarity! I loved how you have smiled through all your tears and made me too!! I would love to see your shoe collection – it sounds enviable! BTW are you a Sex and the city fan? Carrie perhaps??? πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was a fun read – light-hearted expression of truth. You lead a peaceful life when you have accepted things that are supposed to disturb you.

    I can’t be consistent when it comes to exercising/or reducing sugar from my diet. For me, it’s brisk walks, using stairs, small meals kinds of things…:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s very difficult to make light of one’s woes, ever harder to write about them in a hilarious way. You have managed both very well. Glad to connect with you through Chatty Blogs. Hope to see you around. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “You name it, I have done it”.Beautifully written ma’am. That’s why I Believe you are a inspiration for me. You are managing everything very well. Glad to connect with you through this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “You name it, I have done it”. Well said ma’am. That’s why I Believe you are a inspiration for me. You are managing everything very well ma’am. I am glad to connect with you through this blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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