My Multiverse,you ask??

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My Multiverse vs yours!!

There’s a new phrase doing the rounds nowadays..Multiverse !! No clue what that is? Me neither..at least not the detailed technicalities . But yes, I have adapted this word to myself and my life  and have officially declared that I have lived in this multiverse for at least 25yrs without knowing it and before any scientific nerd came up with the concept.

How you ask?

Well, lets go back 35yrs….(no, time travel has not yet been invented)…what I meant is theoretically rewind to the past and picture a modern 21yr old athletic tomboy descending not only into a new country but ultimately into a new town and new traditions armed with only a new label…that of chhoti bahu…and a chuda on her wrists to remind her that she was now no longer the person she was a few days ago. No longer that NRI from Kenya who had been whisked off to India 3yrs ago to pursue medicine in a world sans internet, without a clue about the education system, the language or the culture…a sitting duck waiting to be ridiculed, laughed at for her American accent by the snootier lot and then plucked from college to don the daughter in law hat with a permanent “baaron aayi hei ” label for deeds she knew not she had ever done.

And that was just the beginning of the first and second multiverse virtual layer.
The actual script starts from there.

The ascension into a parallel universe replete with a dinosaurus environment….a virtual reality where the language you spoke was foreign, the ideas you had were blasphemous, the clothes you wore were unacceptable, the hobbies you had were a waste of time, the education you had was dispensible, the interests you nurtured were only worthy of a back seat.

Some escaped this, some fought past , but I gave in !! For many a year!

Not proficient in the art of diplomacy or self sufficiency, I allowed myself to be largely bull dozed, overridden, dismissed, categorized and subjugated…by old fashioned ideals, that’s all !! Noone’s fault, I insist….. just how it was back then!
You may wonder how that was even possible but contrary to the common belief that girls from abroad are fast and corrupt, used to all kinds of indulgent, blasphemous activities and well able to wield a sword at all times, I beg to differ.

It’s a fact that parents living outside of India tended to be overprotective of their children…worried that their child may grow up with no knowledge of his roots, mother tongue, religion and tradition, the parents actually worked up a frenzy of dos and don’t for their kids.
Do speak your mother tongue, do pray and attend scripture classes, do read and write hindi etc, do be a good daughter, wife, mother, daughter in law, do be respectful even in the most adverse of conditions, do as ure told, take a chill pill and swallow all the nonsense that you are dished out, do deal with it all yourself.
Do not answer back, do not speak up, do not disagree, do not complain, do not sulk , do not call back home for help, do not be disrespectful even if ure being beaten to the ground , do not stick out like a sore thumb….blend in.
Thats what we were taught!!
(Thankfully that is not we are teaching our kids now and they are definitely stronger, more savvy and mature than at least I, ever was.)

In some ways all this helps you to settle in but mostly it ends up turning you into a frail, distortion of what you once more…it’s strips you of your individuality, confidence and the ability to speak up and talk reason….something that takes you years to try and build up again even if you so intend.
You end up living in a multiverse….a world where there is no logic to the  diversities of thought processes and conjectures…the difference between that what was and that was is…two layers of alternate worlds in which you end up not belonging to any. For this is not what you were and that was not what you are.
So then who are you…that which you strived never to be but failed or that which you were never but ended up being . Or that which you now struggle to become.

Who are you? Where were you?

Where was your repartee when you were told to put away that novel and spend time in the kitchen doing absolutely useless tasks because that was more justified behaviour from a bahu.
Where was your self worth when you were told that sitting next to your husband in the common room while watching TV was immoral behaviour.
Where was your education when you were forced to follow 12th century methodologies of running a home or kitchen or bringing up your children.
Where was your sense of humor when your innocence was made fun of.
Where was your self respect when you were branded and  blamed for all that went wrong in the house.

So, where were you?
Lost?

Well, maybe it’s time to find yourself again…to stop delving in the past and start making a comeback…a comeback to what you always strived to be and what you eventually wish to be.

The dos and don’t will never stop…  the judgements will continue, the emotional blackmail will continue. The criticism will freely flow because the narcissists will still make it all about them and you will never do right in their eyes. Don’t try and change them..change yourself.

You will always be told that you are wrong…you speak wrong, you think wrong, your intentions are wrong  your tone is wrong, you don’t know what to say, how to say it and when to say it…maybe they are right, maybe they are not. But remember, those who point a finger at you have 4 pointing back at themselves.

So, to all the fine women out there, you can never please everyone so maybe it’s time to please yourself for a change. And not feel guilty about it. Time to extract yourself from that  vortex of a multiverse and create your own parallel universe where there is no compromise, no neglect, no disrespect or affrontary…only some self respect and well deserved self indulgence.

Multiverse, I found you first..I lived you and have largely escaped from you ! Now maybe it’s time for you to move on,  gain a new definition and redeem yourself!!